A Mental Girls Guide to Dating

The last time I was single was in 2006, back in the days where Facebook was just starting to be a thing in the UK, a flip phone was the height of technology and generally, if you were dating someone you’d met them in a bar and at the very least had a conversation with them in person first.

Flash forward to 2017 and I found myself to be a single fish in a not as big pond again. It’s approaching the one year anniversary of my singleness, so I thought it was probably about time to dip my toe into the dating pond. The issue being the dating scene is now very different and I’m a massively different person to the 22 year old single me.

So I’m now 33 and a Mum. So nights out usually happen about 3 times a year, in which my friends and I venture out and spend most of the evening stating that “we are far too old to be doing this anymore” and spending the next 3 days recovering from countless tequila shots because in our bid to be ‘down with the kids’ and being a little bit too excited to be kid free for an evening, we have partied a bit too hard! So meeting someone in the traditional sense isn’t really going to work for me, as I’m not going to be meeting people whilst sat on my best friends couch, drinking wine, watching Strictly Come Dancing on a Saturday night.

So the decision was made . . . ‘On-line Dating’ . . .Gulp

Firstly you have to start with a picture of yourself, I am no selfie queen and finding a picture where I am on my own and sober and minus a double chin was a hard task! Then comes the selling yourself bit . . . mine went a bit like this. . .

33 single mum, knitting enthusiast, mental health blogger, writer, part time hearing aid wearer, who loves travel and adventure and getting lost in a good book!

Yep, No idea why I’m still single! I mean that right there just screams date me right? And subsequently I am very popular with 60 year old men! Sometimes I can be a bit too honest I feel!

Every now and a again a more age appropriate man pops up in my email box, but then comes the barrier for me. Actually having to engage in conversation, because generally you need to do that to get to know people! Anxiety means I am really good at not engaging in conversations because why would somebody want to talk to me or even be interested? That ‘not good enough’ voice wins more often than I would like it too.

But sometimes I do engage and have actually been brave enough to meet people. I am always honest with my current life situation and give them a link to this blog and tell them my full history (don't get me wrong that not the very first thing i do!). I don’t try and hide who I am, as Marilyn Monroe once said “if you can’t handle me at my worst, you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best” and there have been some that couldn’t handle it or have tried to force me into a relationship I wasn’t ready for.

What my experience has taught me is that I am no longer prepared to settle. My ‘baggage’ may take a very special person to be able to handle it, but that’s ok. I am in no rush to be in a relationship with the first person that comes along and if that person doesn’t come along that’s fine. I have great friends and I’m fortunate enough not to struggle financially in my situation.

I’m prepared to date for a longer than the normally acceptable time because I need to be sure that I’m entering into a relationship that’s for the long haul and is the real deal and I’m in the headspace to be able to cope.

So if you’re reading this right now and debating whether you are mentally ready to date my advice to you would be. . . You set the pace and if you’re not ready that’s fine. You know what’s best for you and if they are a decent person that you’re potentially dating they should understand that. I

f not they weren’t right for you anyway. However, sometimes you have to push yourself out side of your comfort zone to start with.

If you’re currently in a relationship or dating someone with anxiety/depression you should know that you’re a rock star. We are not easy people to date. You need to be kind, patient and able to deal with irrational thoughts and constant overthinking. But that’s only a small part of their personality and if you see past that you could end up dating a pretty awesome person.

*Sticks Destiny’s Child Independent Women on* *Dances round kitchen in Beyoncé style*