Keep Your Head Up . . .

When you pour your inner thoughts and feelings into a blog and share it with the world you are always at risk at facing some negativity.

The reason I write this blog and continue to tell my story is because for a long time I battled with how I was feeling by myself. Not one single soul knew what was going on in my head and how dark those silences became. I've lost count of the number of people who have said to me "I had no idea you were going though that" or "you're not the sort of person I thought would suffer with mental health issues" I also had "wow I really envied your picture perfect life". The truth is I was soooooo good at hiding what was going on. Scarily good at it actually and that's pretty frightening.

I write this blog and tell my story so that if there is someone out there who reads it, can relate and as a result opens up to either me or some one else and shares their struggles which in turn helps them realise they are not alone and starts the mental health conversation. I'm really passionate about normalising this conversation and removing the taboo that surrounds it. Mental health doesn't discriminate or have a type. It can affect anyone. If I posted a picture of a broken arm people wouldn't think twice about asking how i am. So why should this be any different?

However, last week i had a major wobble and almost shut down this page completely. A friend of mine who's opinion i really respect rang me and played devils advocate. They stated that it was possible that this page would effect my employ-ability and my love life. After much thought (Too much actually - anxiety is a bugger for that) the negativity had set in and I began to see this whole experience as something less positive . . . The negativity cycle had kicked in . . .

One thing CBT teaches you is that you have to break the Anxiety cycle before it takes a hold. I spent 24 hours thinking it was a terrible idea and crying about it. So I needed to put this into play. I spoke to my best friend to gauge her opinion on it. I'm so lucky that we have the sort of friendship where we won't lie to save the others feelings. I also spoke to my mummy friends about it, as once you been through childbirth together no topic of conversation is off limits! They all reinforced that it should stay!

And whilst these statements are incredibly valid I asked myself would i want to work for an employer who wasn't compassionate towards mental health? Would I want to be with someone who didn't get my struggles and support me in it? The answer is a big fat no!!!

My employer has taken note of this blog and there are some exciting things in the pipeline that will hopefully help my colleagues in similar situations. I'm proud they care and want to make positive changes. As for dating well . . . that's for me to determine

so for now Ben Howard is being played loud and I will . .

Keep my head up, Keep my heart strong